The One About Plaid

I'm back! I'm moved in-the clothes are hung, books are shelved. I'm loving my classes, thank god. And I'm laying on my dorm floor, right now, watching Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Stains. I love the clothes they wear in this movie, even Diane Lane's ratty cheetah print coat.

I don't know what its like at all the other colleges around the country, but everyone and their mother is wearing plaid this fall. On the first day of classes, 25% of campus at least were wearing plaid, including me. There's nothing better than a boy in plaid, so I'm not complaining. It just makes me giggle when every other girl is wearing some variation of a plaid tunic. I've been theorizing about why plaid is so popular. I know that the 90s are cycling back around. But I also think plaid has that homey, comforting quality. Its very American and familiar, in a time when a lot of things are uncertain in the country (you know, just the job market, health care, recession. a few minor things).

Outfits!

My first day of school outfit! Tunic from Urban Outfitters, Leggins and silver bangles from WalMart, Belt from Pac Sun, Loafer wedges from Payless. The necklaces are self-made.

This is my life partner, she wanted to be photographed too. She's wearing a Chiodos t-shirt, Bullhead jeans, and white Chucks. Her necklace and bracelet were made by me. Today's outfit. The tunic, cardigan and scarf are from Old Navy. The leggings and silver bangles are from WalMart. The flats are from Charlotte Russe, and the blue bangle (on forearm) is from Laila Rose. Michelle my life partner, wearing various clothes she "borrowed" from sorority sisters. I was trying to ironically wear the sweater vest, but its more straight up prepster. I can't hide my love for argyle. Sweater Vest, NY & Co. Grey shirt, Old Navy. Jeans, AmEagle. Necklace, self made. Flats, WalMart.

The One on the Last Day of Work!

Today is my last day of work (at least until Winter Break). I am elated. Completely elated. I have nothing to do, the last 30 pages of a Jacqueline Carey novel to read, and in 48 hours I will already be half way to school. Michelle called me last night in a state of panic because she hasn't packed at all. I promised her that once we got to school, we would unpack, take showers, and then nap. The promise of a nap is the key to calming down Michelle. I've kind of packed somethings. I have a box of glassware, a box of art supplies, my sorority treasurer box, and a bunch of books I want to sell. I really don't need the Norton's Edition of Middlemarch, or three different editions of The Inferno. I have a couple tubs'o'stuff i "need" to survive at school. Like sidewalk chalk. And anti-itch cream. But the clothes, shoes, obscene amount of Vera Bradley totes, make-up and jewelry, and bedding (I keep forgetting about bedding!) all remain to be packed... tomorrow. Side note: co-workers told me my hair looks nice this morning. Its because I woke-up early and showered instead of sleeping on it wet. I didn't brush it, though, so I think this is why they said it looks nice and layered. Today I have some of my personally crafted jewelry. Other than the first piece, I consider most of my jewelry to be "t-shirt jewelry." Its pretty casual, mostly on natural cord. This necklace was made with supplies from etsy seller BellaBohemian. My mom thinks the razor blade is pretty morbid. I like it because one of my closest friends struggled with self-harm, and to me its a touchstone for how much self-harm damages not just the physical, but also emotional and psychological self. Check out To Write Love on Her Arms for more impassioned speak about self-harm.

This is my Buddha necklace. I really wanted to make something with feathers. The cinnabar Buddha bead is from etsy seller Charming Cute Couture. The other beads are from Michael's, as are the feathers and cord. This is a long necklace. I put a clasp on it mostly because I was so excited that I had learned how to put on a clasp, but it doesn't need one.

The beads from this necklace came from a super overpriced bead shop at a beach town. Seriously, I think they charged me a dollar or something ludicrous for the green bead. Its some semi-precious stone which wasn't even drilled well! It took me forever to get the head pin in there. The heart is wooden and charming. Cord from Michael's.

I'm Wearing Clothes Again!

I just want to note, these outfits are collected from about a week ago, so I didn't wear those Miley leggings 8 days in a row.

Sometimes I just try to make my mom laugh while she's taking the pictures, and then I start laughing, and then I look like this. This is when I gave up looking nice at work and instead opted for ultimate comfort. This sweater is, in all honesty, the bomb. Its a men's cardigan from AmEagle. Its thick, woolly and over sized (perfect for the summer!). I think my friend bought her boyfriend the same sweater. I wish it had pockets, but you can't have everything. Dress, Old Navy (one of several cotton baby doll dresses from ON that I wear all the time). JCP White Cami. Miley Certified Leggins. Flip Flops, also AmEagle.

My mom wanted to take a picture sans sweater. I acquiesced, and cheesed hardcore. Okay, I wore this to The Last Supper with Melissa (it was more of a last lunch at Chipotle, but bear with me). We swapped early birthday presents (Mel turns 21 this year! In Ireland, lucky bia). Mel made me a painting! Its beautiful! I got her some vintage childrens books, cause she's a children's librarian in the making. Plaid shirt, Goodwill. Miley Certified leggins (I don't take them off). Belt, Pac Sun. Razor Blade necklace, invisible but made by me. Amazing Shoes which I don't regret buying, Connie via Famous Footwear.

I'm a big supporter of Leggins as Pants, as long as you make a semblance of effort to cover your butt/avoid camel-toe. But really, at home I wear leggings and sorority sweatshirts all the time. With mukluks. And my parents wonder about my fashion sense! Oh my god! I own jeans!!! I told you! These are the new straight leg jeans from AmEagle. Lovelylovelylovely. The sweater is from Kimchi Blue via Urban Outfitters. Its made out of a sweatshirt material, and it has batwings, so all in all really comfy. Still wearing my Awesome Oxfords. And check out that sweet ponytail action. My hair is looking smooooth. Those Oxford shoes! With tights! Don't my legs just go on for miles? Haha. Purple top, corduroy skirt, and tights are from Old Navy. Shoes from Famous Footwear. Cardigan from JCP. Seed Pearl Necklace is from an ABC Store in Oahu. Apparently in some places ABC Stores are liquor stores(?) but in Oahu they are magical convenience stores, almost like a mini-walmart crossed with a souvenir shop with a deli in the back. I got this necklace for some ridiculous cheap price, and always assumed the pearls were fake. I just did the tooth test, and it appears they are real! To test a pearl for validity, just lightly scrape your tooth over it. It should feel gritty or grainy. A costume pearl will most likely feel smooth. (This is legit, I just googled it to make sure it wasn't some crazy idea my grandmother cooked up).

This is me wearing the cardigan. Its a trapeze cardi with only one button. I was shopping in a bad mood with my mom, and I didn't really like it but she bought it anyway because she thought I was being stubborn and not admitting it was cute because she thought it was cute. Now I eat my moody high school attitude every time I wear it, because it is cute.

I just remembered that my Payless boots should ideally come to the store today or tomorrow... if not my mom has to ship them to me. At least I won't need them right away, cause it should be pretty warm/borderline hot at school until October. Oh man, I can't wait to get to school. I really do consider it home. I love arranging the furniture in the room, unpacking everything, making the bed for the first and last time, hanging posters. I'm just giddy with excitement. I probably won't be posting until next week when everything is settled. Till then!

The One About Tattoos

I've been thinking alot about tattoos recently. Well, not recently. Maybe for the past 3 to 4 years. Senior year --possibly junior year!-- of high school, two of my best friends got tattoos. Kelsey, my super cool "artsy" friend, got her first tattoo. It was her brother's name (Benjamin) in Hebrew between her shoulder blades. No, he isn't dead. She has to answer that question a lot. And no, she isn't jewish. Her brother in turn has her name in Hebrew on his chest. For them, this was a physical symbol of their bond as siblings. After a rough childhood, they promised to always be there for each other. Kelsey and HER MOM got matching, itty bitty heart tattoos on their ankles during our senior year. This is super rad. My grandfather told me that God hates tattoos (see some verse in Deuteronomy). Not rad. Wait till he (never) finds out my brother and uncle both have memorial tatts planned when he passes. My friend Travis got a tribal-ish symbol tattooed on his upper back, that I think was an African symbol for God's promises...? Or life. Something God related. By the end of high school, I thought tattoos were pretty rad, but, being the serious, sensible girl that I am, I always said that I wouldn't get one of my own unless I found something for serious I would want. No tinkerbells or tweetys on this chick. My first plan of action was partly inspired by Project Runway. Adorable Kit had a Heart and Crossbones on the front of her shoulder, just outside of the bra strap. I wanted to get a small fleur-de-lis in the same place. I love and speak the French language, I love French film and literature and basically everything French is better, in my opinion. And I wanted to study abroad in France. My mom laughed at my plans. College started. I met one cool chick who had several tattoos. She peaced out very quickly. The cool ones always do. Lots of girls have their noses pierced, including life partner Michelle. I'd like to get my nose pierced, but my family thinks I'm crazy. Cut to church services at home, where late forties moms have their noses pierced. Yeah. Several more friends from home get some spiffy forearm tattoos. Kelsey is collecting ink work like its her job, and Travis gets a giant rib piece. Summer 2008. Spending lonnnng hours doing little at work. Much like I am now, without the benefit of blogging. Start using flickr to cruise tattoo pictures. After reading a lot about the meaning of the lotus flower, I start really digging the idea of a lotus tattoo. The lotus symbolizes something beautiful rising out of hardship, ugliness, and trials, because the flower grows from the mud of pond bottoms, through the water, and breaks the surface. I wanted to get a lotus tattooed on the back of my neck. If you've read my post about body image, you know that I really struggled with pride in my body and had poor body image. My reasoning was that even though I didn't always see it, my beauty was always present, just like my lotus tattoo.

Pink in Green Originally uploaded by shinichiro*

I was dead set on getting this tattoo done. I made plans with friends to drive to the big city nearby as soon as sophomore year started. I told my mom about it. I was SO excited. The night before I moved back to college, my mom asked me not to get a tattoo. She asked for me to wait out of respect for her and my father, and to wait until I was paying for college myself. I agreed, because she asked me, and didn't command me. I was frustrated that she waited until the last possible moment to say something. (To the right you can see the exact picture I wanted to base my lotus tattoo off of!) I still would really like to get this tattoo some day. Then, March 2009. I got my first tattoo. Spontaneously, which is a word I very rarely come in contact with. Life Partner Michelle and I were up late, and discussing a lot of big issues things. Its hard for anyone other than the two of us to understand how important our friendship is and all the stuff we went through together that year. But, at approx 4 in the morning, we decided to get tattoos. The next day. We skipped classes and went to the nearest non-shadester tattoo parlor. I went first. My tattoo says "No matter what..." and resides on the top of my left foot. Michelle's says "Love is everything" and is on the instep of her left foot. I guess its easiest to call them something lame like BFF tattoos, but they mean so much more than that. "No matter what..." means a lot of things specific to me, as does Michelle's to her. Together, they mean something lovely, but their individual meanings are probably more important. I had this tattoo for a while before telling my parents. I even wore socks all Easter break at home. I didn't want to have to hide it from them. When I finally told them, it came along with some other worrying news about my stress levels and feeling depressed. Its kind of sad, because those other unrelated, and already resolved, worries are paired with my tattoo in my parents mind. They thought I was doing it to be assertive (a little true), they thought I was "trying to find myself" (true) in the wrong ways (I disagree), and they thought that I was investing too much in friendship that they thought would never last, not because of M., but because "you don't stay friends with people you go to college with" (like, seriously. w.t.f.). After a summer of family therapy, I think we might understand each other a little better. Also, I've learned that I can't always please everyone, including my parents. Which is hard. We don't see eye-to-eye about tattoos. Basically, my parents think they're fine on other people, just not on me. We've NEVER talked about what my tattoo means, except for a weak explanation when I originally told them. That makes me sad too, because its so beautiful and I treasure it as part of me. Oh, and, they stopped paying for college. I think it was a scare tactic trying to get me to come home and not go back to school this fall. Instead, I opted to do loans all on my own. Sans co-signer, even. But my mom did buy all of my back to school needs. And they bought me some clothes. Bark is worse than the bite? My dad worries how my tattoo would affect me getting a job. Seriously, people!!! Unless you're getting a tattoo on your hands, neck, or face, basically any other tattoo can be covered by careful dressing. My foot tattoo is almost always on display, true, because it basically curls around the edge of a ballet flat. My boss just realized, after me working for 2 and a half months, that I had a tattoo on my foot. His response: "Cool." Me: "Yeah, it makes me happy." Boss: "That's all that matters!" Me: "OHMYGOD TELL MY DAD THAT!" But if I was in a workplace where I couldn't show a tattoo, well, I'd be wearing something that doesn't show a tattoo anyway. Like, a suit? A cardigan, like I already wear almost every day of my life?? Hey, sleeve tattoo. Meet the oxford button-down. BAM! INSTA-CONSERVATISM! Sometimes I worry about having tattoos and getting married. Do I want lots of tatts in my wedding photos? Then I look at offbeat brides and think, hellz yes! Do I want to one day be a tattooed mommy? What if other mommy's judge me and think that I'll badly influence their babies? Answer still resides in cardigans. Good thing I don't like warm climates. Really, dressing to cover up a tattoo doesn't bother me. I didn't get my tattoo to make anyone else happy or to piss any one else off. So if its going to better aid me to cover it up, I'll cover it up. I can always take off the jacket at home, light some candles, and gaze at my tattoo while humming "secret lovers." Cause, yes, I do love my tattoo that much. What if I become a saggy grandma?? Well, that's reason number 854 why I don't want tattoos on my hips, stomach, or boobs. But, all I can say is thank GOD for my youthful skin. Sure, I might be mistaken for a junior high student at the dentist, but hot damn I have good skin. My mom looks ten years younger than she really does, and so does her mom. Neither of them is saggy. So I expect my tatts to look good well into my 60s. Plus, the key to avoiding sag is staying plump. Not a problem! I worry that certain guys won't want to date me if I have tattoos. Then I remember that my propensity to swear a lot, rave about feminism, and smoke ciggz all night probably weeds out all the guys who get scared off by tattoos. Would I really even want a guy who couldn't stand to go under the needle himself? I ultimately worry what my family thinks. At least this summer I've been able to prove that I am not a degenerate heroin user with an addiction to midget hookers. I make good arts and crafts, I don't smoke around babies (or at all, as far as they're concerned). I wash the dishes. My tattoo has not sent me spiraling into a doomed future of trailer parks and Wendy's drive-thru's. Which I hope they remember when I get my next tattoo. Yeah, I want another one. Really soon. Here's what I'm thinking. "be balanced". A line from bon iver's life-giving song "skinny love" and also a subtle tribute to being a libra. I want it to circle the top of my left forearm (eff. why is it always the left?? my nose is pierced on the left side too!). lowercase cursive script which I have already picked thanks to da font.com. What does it mean to me? The song skinny love connects me to a lot of people. The Guy who first showed me Bon Iver. A different Guy with whom I used to drive around/lay around/ all around and sing skinny love a lot. Melissa heard bon iver for the first time when I played him for her. The song is sad and sweet, a lot like my sophomore year of college. And the phrase itself reminds me of how important it is for me to balance my life. My life was very unbalanced last year and I really suffered because of it. Man! I feel like I've just exposed a little bit of my soul. So, this tatt is a LOT bolder and more present than my lil bitty foot tatt. It only increases my above fears about marriage, men, and family. Still not too freaked about jobs, since a) I love cardigans and b) my chances at employment in general seem slim. I don't know what my parents would do if I got a second tatt. I hope that they accept it quietly with a disapproving air. Worse case scenario... they kill me? Take away the car they lovingly provided? Make me pay room and board? I was thinking maybe I would get it and just wear sleeves for a while, and then be like, ta daa! You didn't know about it, but it was there, and I wasn't any different! My therapist, surprisingly, is all for me getting it. Michelle is worried that they will flip out and thinks its a bad idea. Now, if I told Michelle not to do something because its a bad idea, she would just do it for spite. Just sayin'. I've spent the day checking out tattoos. I googled "should I get a tattoo?" in a Magic 8 Ball attempt for guidance. I even found an online Magic 8 Ball and asked. It said "definitely." I read all the same articles I read last summer about the pros and cons of tatts. The truth is, some people will always love them, and some people will hate them. I think they're almost always gorgeous. Oh, man. I can't wait for my next tattoo.

The One About Gratuitous Shoe Buys

Yesterday's big excitement involved me getting rear ended at a yield sign 500 feet from my house. I'm fine, the car is relatively fine, but I did wind up with a searing tension headache, and I fell asleep before the new season of Project Runway started. Better, Cheerful-er News: I finished my jewelry wardrobe over the weekend, and I found fake fur fabric to use for my Max costume (yes, I plan my halloween costumes months in advance). Check out my swanky ring bump drawer: Wooden ring is from a surf shop, mysterious faux (?) engagement ring was a gift from my unmarried aunt, I like to imagine it has some terrible romantic story she will never tell us behind it, zebra ring from Charlotte Russe. Pearl Monstrosity ring is also a gift from said aunt, by Honora. Check out my high school ring (yeah, it has color guard flags engraved in one side, so?). Faux diamonds for sure ring, aunt (she likes QVC ALOT). My signet ring (its engraved with my monogram) from grandparents (they got my mom one for HER high school grad. awwww). Claddagh, vintage and thrifted. Antique pearl ring, gift from aunt. I wear the front three most days. This is inside the door. All my necklaces hang from the carousel, and earrings chill in the little boxes at the bottom. I keep my bracelets/ super long necklaces in the drawers. This is the finished back. The quote is by the Persian philosopher Hafiz. I plan on theming my future wedding to Awesome Guy Out There! around this theme. Finished flower side. You can get a better idea of the purple tree from these pictures. Do yuo see all those books stacked around my wardrobe? My room is seriously like the Grey Gardens house. Those ladies had serious style, though. I'm both ashamed and unapologetic about how bad the mess is. I'm packing it all up this weekend for school! Hey look! I'm wearing clothes! Blue plaid shirt, Goodwill. Cami, JCP. Shorts, GAP via kjersten. Shoes, Charlotte Russe. Belt, Pac Sun. Freshwater pearls, Hawaii (where even at the mall, if you pay cash, they will sell it cheaper). My theory about this outfit is that this oversized men's shirt, when belted, creates the batwing sleeve effect, instead of just appearing like I'm wearing a man's shirt. I love this shirt, I sleep in it sometimes. Sometimes I wear it AFTER having slept in it. You would too. I have a serious conundrum on my hands. I'm going back to school, and even though I worked full time all summer, most of that money is going towards paying for tuition. I seriously seriously seriously have to watch how much money I spend, especially since my glamorous job in the dishroom might not be available. And I have sorority dues, pledge party, and spring party as DEFINITE expenses. And I want my next tattoo so bad. With all this financial burden, what do I do? I buy a pair of gratuitous shoes at Famous Footwear. I blame it on lipstick effect. In times of economic crisis (both nationally and in my bank account), the purchase of small cost luxury items rise. In this case, a $20 pair of two-tone black oxford booties. Not even off my fashion wish list, though always an intrigue. I knew. I knew, going into FF was a terrible idea. Oh, no, my mind coaxed me. This is just for fun. Lets just poke around for a few minutes. Its hot out go inside! I did. I braved past a pair of $30 sperry imitators. I was unimpressed by all I saw. Haha, I thought. I CAN outlast this temptation. Then, as I made a quick loop past the clearance rack, I saw them. My size. Patent leather toes. Black. Twenty dollars. Adorable. Oh, just try them on, my mind whispered, in a seductive tone I personally will never master. I did. They fit perfectly. I just happened to be wearing black tights. They looked charming. I bought them, with the full decision I would return them after some consideration. Its just that, they were the only pair, and if I did decide to buy them later, they probably wouldn't be here anymore! Hours later, after my minor auto collision, I sat on the couch, wearing them. I really like them, I told my mom. My mom, probably the progenitor of my inability to resist shoes, smiled encouragingly. I think I'm going to keep them. I looked for a picture of them online, this is as close as I could find. Where it appears to be grey/brown, mine are matte black. Beneath the lacings are a small cut out. In other words, lovely, fashionable, and completely unnecessary.

The One with DIY Fun!

You might have seen fabric jewelry such as the jersey necklaces sold on Urban Outfitters. While they are slightly reminiscent of homeless chic, and vastly overpriced, a few crafty fabric bangles offer a handmade, homey charm for maybe $10 total of supplies. After emailing with Christina, I was encouraged to make a DIY tutorial to my fabric bangles. The following is my attempt to make super simple, unique fabric jewelry.

All You Need Is...

...love. And (from left) some undesirable plain bangles, cotton fabric of your choosing (I get mine from my mom's stash. I recommend buying a few fat quarters if you don't have an accommodating family member), scissors that can cut fabric, a ruler (not really necessary), paint brush or foam brush, craft tacky glue. (In case you aren't in JoAnn's Fabric Shop all the time like me, a fat quarter is roughly a quarter of a yard of fabric, pre-cut and folded. You don't need even a whole quarter, unless you want all your bracelets to match).

Step One

Cut a strip of fabric at about a one inch width. This strip is about 18 inches long, which is unnecessary. 14 inches should be more than enough length. I just eye ball the width and try to cut straight. I'm not a very precise crafter or artist. I'm also not patient. I never wait for paint to dry.

After That...

Apply tacky craft glue to the backside of fabric. I like to apply in a wavy line. Then, using the foam brush or paint brush, spread the glue over the fabric.

Then

Begin wrapping the fabric around the bracelet. If it is hard to get the beginning of the fabric to wrap, try wrapping the fabric directly on top of itself a few times, then begin wrapping the fabric continuously to the right. Make sure the glue doesn't dry out as you wrap! Reapply some fresh drops if necessary.

Just Keep Wrapping, Until...

When you're close to finishing, cut off any excess fabric. I didn't do this at first, and it made thicker bumps on the bracelet. It adds to its homey charm, but I prefer to make the fabric even. Dab a little extra glue on the underside of the end of the fabric and

Ta Daaaa!!!!!

Homespun, charming bracelet. A fabric bangle you can take pride in. There will probably be a slight ridge from the edge of the fabric. If you get any stray threads, just clip them. Don't pull them! This is my stack of completed fabric bangles. After the red example, I did a bunch more in the same fabric because its just so darn cute. I have 14. I thought that was all of my bangles, but I just found a few more, and there's no point in having three tarnished bangles when they could join a host of multicolored craftees. Start crafting!

The One About Defining My Style

I've been trying to figure out how I would define my personal style. Its hard! A Boy from Sometime Ago texted me earlier this summer while he was at an Animal Collective concert to tell me he saw a girl who dressed a lot like me. And all I could think was, "how do I dress?" (and also, omgpleasecanwejustgetmarried, but that is Beside the Point and also Futile Wishing). The outfit I wore yesterday sums up in many ways my normal style. It varies by weather related incidents but it can be boiled down to: Dress + Leggings + or - Cardigan. Boots in the winter, sandals in the summer, ballet flats in the fall. Add scarf as necessary. Yes, this outfit is incredibly close to one I wore recently (I can't remember if it was just last week, or two weeks ago). I love black and white. And this Miley Cyrus Certified cardigan is quickly becoming my favorite piece of clothing. It is over sized, yet the fabric is t-shirt thin. Glad my mom told me to get black, because "it makes it look less cheaply made." Hahaha. And it has pockets!! The dark grey leggins are also from walmart (as are 95% of all my leggins). Dress is from Old Navy as is the nasty lace cami, which I chucked after this picture, because I bought nice new fresh camis from JCP, and this cami was hardly white anymore. Ew gross gag. The wedges were from one of those outlet mall shoe stores, which I bought when I was in a bad mood and never really wore until yesterday. And they are so comfortable and cute. They are actually a black canvas material. The scarf is from a surf shop, and isn't really worth the $20 I paid for it, because its seriously like netting material. But I love black and white so... I prefer this picture so much more, because I'm cheesing with my hood up and actually laughing a little and less like, oh my god I'm posing for a picture. Plus you can see my foot tatt, on my left (your right) foot. It says "No matter what..." and was totally worth my parents disowning me. (More about that in future post, The One About Tattoos, and Are They Worth Your Parents' Reaction?) (short answer, yes. long answer, make sure you can support your ass before you do so).

OK, so, that's what I wear a lot. I have lots of cotton dresses which pull their weight all year long. I have several shades of faux-uggs that are NECESSARY! in the lake effect snow at college. And my Aldo sweater boots (in grey, my second fave color after black). I also do own jeans, I promise. I like jeans, I just bought a few new pairs from AmEagle that are stretchy and flattering and hot. But most of these outfits posted so far I wear to work, and jeans are verboten. And lets face it, on the weekends I wear gym shorts and sorority scrubs. Like a Boss. (Keep an eye out for The One Displaying All My Sorority Will Downs!). But when I'm at school (and making my roommate take pictures of me) there will be a lot more jean action. But I prefer dresses, hands down. I don't even own many skirts.

Outfits Which AREN'T My Everyday Style

Now, this outfit looked really cute on. It didn't get any love on flickr, so maybe I'm the only one who likes it. I kind of hate this picture, cause I look about 14. It didn't help that I pinned my hair back either. (It makes me think of Susan from the Narnia movies, I don't know why. I'm a nerd). And I'm not wearing make up because I've known everyone at the office for about 5 years and I'm not really trying to impress. But I do wear make up regularly, like jeans. Just not in the summer. This sweater has lasted about 4 years, and its from when AmEagle clothes weren't shoddily made. I love it, except it has shrunk and I usually have to layer a tank underneath. The skirt is actually a strapless dress from Old Navy which I always forget to wear because I don't really have a strapless bra (I know, I know) so I always have to wear a cardigan. Shoes are from payless, and I love them. I love wedges and these are blue suede. I love suede!! Rose pearls, courtesy of Aunt Josie and Honora for high school graduatin'. Its actually a set, with a bracelet, ring, and stud earrings. I love pearls, because I'm an closet argyle wearing freak on the inside. This is another business casual look I wouldn't normally rock during the school year. Pink top could melt your eyes!!! and is from Marshalls. Much nicer, classier white cami from JCP. Brown bermudas have gotten a lot of play this summer, because they fit really nice and are from the GAP and oh, yeah, they don't belong to me! I borrowed them from a girl who lived on my hall for a beach party at the end of the year, and she moved out before me and I still have them. I secretly love them and want to keep them, yet I'm worried she would see me around campus and say, hey... are those my shorts? Plus I like to keep my clothing karma good. Sandals, Charlotte Russe, which I bought in one of their infernal BoGos, and never really wore (I tend to do this, and only wear my $3 thrifted moccasins ever. Am I the only person who seems to wear her cheapest shoes all the time??). But they are cute, and the heel is high and skinny, which is my preferred heel shape.

Other things that are important to my style: Rings: my thrifted vintage claddagh is a constant-- I have to wear it on my thumb, because its huge and it still flies off every now and then. Also, my signet ring from my g'parents gets a lot of play, as does an antique fancy pearlz and gemz ring. Sunglasses: I have lots. My nicest are from Fossil (I'm not super fancy), my tackiest are white with rhinestones and painted roses. My new faves are a $5 pair of wayfarer knock offs from WalMart, and my hold my breath pair are a pair of Fo' Real Vintage 80s Wayfarers, which I am bidding on at Ebay. I probably won't win because I made a rookie error and bid right away, while it has lots of time left, and I refuse to go very much higher, because I am budgeting. Scarves: As I said before, I love scarves. This includes airy filmy scarves, pashminas, vintage silk square scarves, fringy bandanna scarves, and handmade crocheted thick and warm scarves.

Style defined!

The One With No Pictures

I've been thinking a lot about body image recently. What really inspired me to start blogging about what I wear was the multitude of Fat Acceptance websites, and fat fashion websites. I've always struggled with body image. Its something that has kept me very insecure on a personal level. I think the average person I meet would consider me confident and self-possessed. But I have always felt like the "fat friend" among a host of beautiful, awesome girls that I am blessed to call my own. My mom's weight has been all over the scale since she was little. I know she dieted a lot at a young age. And my grandfather used to call her his little dumbo. My grandpa's not a bad man, either. My mom and I share a history of father's who tend to say the wrong thing. After my brother's birth she gained a significant amount of weight due to health complications. She now works out almost every day, and she looks really good, but she always wants to lose more weight. I think she's trying to get her BMI lower, but when I look at her I don't see how she could possibly lose any more. I know my mother's body image is tied very much to the numbers. My father is overweight, with high blood pressure and cholesterol. My mom's mom has had double bypass surgery, and my grandfather is very heavy. My grandparents' weights clearly affect their health and their activities in life. My journey with body image has been long, and I think its a rather complex, multi-layered road. I never played sports, but I did take dance up through 7th grade. I went to summer camp for years, did all of the games and sports just like everyone else. After I stopped taking dance class, I started going to Jazzercize. At 12, I was definitely the youngest person in the room. My babysitter, who was probably 16 or 17, had been taking the classes and for a little while we went at the same time . I went maybe twice a week. It was 2 minutes from the house. My mom would drop me off and pick me up an hour later. Thinking about it, it seems almost crazy to me that I was working out at such a young age. I always find it weird when I hear about children working out. I also did Weight Watchers when I was in middle school for a brief period of time. I didn't attend meetings, I just used the points curriculum that my mom had. So I had tried dieting at a very young age. I need to pull out the pictures from those years. I know I wasn't an obese child, I didn't have to wear plus-sized children's clothing. I'm not sure why my parents pushed me to lose weight. I think it instilled shame about my body in me from a young age. My parents, though we rarely talk about it, worry about my health because they consider me overweight. We don't talk about it because my dad is brusque and my mom is very sensitive to the issue and doesn't want to upset me. I struggle with hiding snacking from my dad, because sometimes when I eat outside of three daily meals, he makes comments, asking if I really need a fourth meal or how can I be hungry, which makes me feel terribly guilty. I know he says things not to hurt me, but because he is insecure about his own weight and health, and in turn projects his worries onto me and doesn't know how to tactfully express them. At least, this is the opinion of my mother, grandmother, and various therapists (I'm a big fan of counseling, by the way). I gained a lot of weight last fall at college very quickly. I didn't feel good, I felt gross and bloated. I was the heaviest I had ever been. Over Christmas break my mom had a tearful "intervention" with me, offering to do anything I wanted because she was worried about my health. I started Weight Watchers, this time with a monthly plan using the online account. I also was using the Couch to 5K running plan. I like lists and charts and other organized things, so I really enjoyed the online tools available. I quit smoking, I was running 3 times a week, I was watching points. I lost twelve pounds in two weeks, and more followed. However, I didn't stay with the plan for very long, because of various events and stresses. The constant counting and structuring had an adverse effect on my life, as I am prone to creating too many markers for myself to reach, and I tend to overburden myself. I didn't gain back the weight, as far as I can tell. I don't weigh myself anymore. I think I've settled back into the weight I've been for about 3-4 years. I'm 5'4", and a size 14. Right now, in this moment, I feel pretty healthy. I eat three balanced meals a day. Its easy in the summer, when I work all day and don't really go out on weeknights. There's no Sheetz in my hometown, either. Its harder at school, with fast food, and drinks at parties, and late night ramen. Not to mention the open cafeteria. But I've been learning to listen to my body's hunger cues, trying to recognize when I'm hungry and when I'm just bored or social eating (much like social drinking, haha). That's a lot about the physical aspect of my body image. Its been very cathartic for me to write all of this down. There's so much more that I could say, so many anecdotes and instances I remember that affected me negatively. I carried a lot of pain, shame, and unhappiness because of my body, which I mostly kept to myself. This summer has been a major time of self-reflection. Emotionally, I have always felt like my weight was preventing me from dating. I'd always pin these dreams on losing weight. Every summer I imagined losing lots of weight, becoming a size 4, and returning to high school in the fall svelte and sexy and every guy would want to date me then! I even thought that way at the beginning of this summer. Like 99.9 % of women, I worry that I'm not pretty and not desirable. I had a lot of "if only"s in my life. I think dating and acceptance from guys were the biggest things that hung on my weight. Its very Freudian, it has a lot to do with my dad. I caught myself this summer thinking, "oh my god, I hate my body." That was probably one of the most shocking things I realized. How had I gotten to the point where I hated my own body? Where I didn't want to see it in the mirror, where I saw nothing beautiful in it? It was around the same time when I started finding fat acceptance blogs. I can't even remember now how I stumbled upon the links that led me to YFF, Shapely Prose, and Axis of Fat. All I know is, as I read these blogs, I felt a growing peace that I could accept and love my own body, and stop placing so many disappointments on my physical self. That I could work out and do yoga, not to push and pull myself into a smaller shape, but because it made me feel good and happy. That I should stop trying to cram my ass into smaller jeans and just buy the jeans that fit me best, and screw the rest. I realized that I wasn't defective. I hiked mountains just like everyone else on my trip to England. I fit very comfortably in airplane seats. I can ride every ride in amusement parks. I am out of shape, that's true, but lots of people are skinnier and me and in worse shape. I have really great hair, naturally straight teeth, and good posture. I've been at an adult reading level since eighth grade. I do want a boyfriend and I'm not going to lie to myself about that, but me gaining or losing weight is not going to affect the outcome of me finding an awesome guy. The guys that I've really cared about who didn't feel the same way about me, well, I was a Marc Jacobs coat, but they were looking for good cutlery. I looked at my body and was happy. I've been seeing so much beauty in the women whose blogs I've been following, and its just overflowed onto mine. I guess I needed to hear it from people who understood what it was like to just be bigger. Sure, my friends can tell me they think I'm pretty and not fat until the cows come home. But a) they have to, because they're my loving friends, b) they're all size 6 and under (not that I begrudge them of that), and c) I'm not skinny and svelte. I'm curvy and fleshy. I guess I should say, fat, since its fat acceptance. But I'm trying not to put any labels on my body, except for mine.

The One About Fred Flare

This is where I make art. The basement floor. I don't really go into my bedroom except to sleep and store books. I even keep the majority of my jewelry on a shelf in my bathroom. Anyway, this is a small glimpse of some of my crafting supplies, spread out in all their glory, and ensuring that no one else will be watching tv in the basement for a few more weeks.

Check out my jewelry wardrobe!

This is the unfinished back/side of my wardrobe. The giant purple corner tree was the first effort. You can't tell but there are little blue fruits (aka dots) in the branches of this tree. It also has some great texture going on. The top of my wardrobe. Yes, that's Max from Where the Wild Things Are. I haven't finished his face with marker cause his neck looks really fat for some reason, and not at all like my original on-paper sketch. You can see how the tree blooms into the corner. And do you like the quote?? Its from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, for all you who don't get down with the time warp. This side is unfinished. But it has some flowers I cut out of scrapbooking paper, which I painted over to make them pop. I've been saving this hand with lighter for months. I cut it out of an ad ages ago and miraculously never stored it, just left it laying around and it is still in pristine condition. Painted the flower onto the wrist and then felt iffy about it, but I can't take it back so "make it work!" This is the front. Do you like the lovely teal shade I mixed up? And more dots!! I think I'm going to stencil some words down the front of the drawers in black. I just have to decide what. My sorority sister refers to this as my Hawaiian Grandmother dress. Whatevs. Dress and Cami from Old Navy. Navy Cardigan and Flips from American Eagle. My outlet store steal bag and key necklace, Fossil. Yellow glass bracelet from the Smithsonian and blue bracelet is DIY me. My bag looks strangely plasticky in this picture, but I assure you its lovely soft leather. This is the only bag I've used all summer, except for when I was in England/Ireland. Then I used a giant plaid tote bag that made me feel really unchic, but I carried all my class texts, a water bottle, an extra sweater, camera, passport, money, and more in one bag. I also had the smallest suitcase of all of my professors/peers. I think that should earn me an A for the course, just because I could store that sucker on every train, bus, and metro we went on without fail. Something slightly disturbing I've just recently realized is that I don't have many grown-up bags. I have this Fossil handbag, and a Wilson's Leather dark brown purse I got for $20 at an antique store (which I don't think I've ever used for more than a few days, but it was cute and leather so I snatched it up). But in reality, at school I use one of about 15 different Vera Bradley patterened bags. Including the messenger bag and the extra large backpack. In my defense, my hometown is super preppy, and I went to private school where I had to where plaid skorts and polos every day for 13 years. And kindergartners carry VB lunch bags. However, as I said, not very grown up. Yes, older women carry them. But they also wear mom jeans (except for my mom! no mom jeans cause she's hot!). But preppy dressing flows deep in my veins, and sometimes nothing gets my heart pounding more than a guy in khaki shorts and Clarks desert boots. With a sweater and button down. I like it even more when the sweater/button down gets the indie nerdy twist and there's a bearded dude with a pair of chucks... Where was I again? But then I had a second revelation that maybe I never realized my lack of adult bags because this Fossil bag is ALL I NEED! And when I go for something smaller, I grab my Dooney and Bourke clutch, which I pretty much stole from Nordstroms. (Not really, it was just on sale for 75% off). But do I really need to be grown up? I don't think so, especially since I just looked on Fred Flare for the first time! No one told me what I was missing. Buttered Toast wallet? Calculator watch? Napoleon Dynamite sleep max????? Any cutesy food can be made into a kitschy accessory, not limited to band-aids, purses, earrings, and floss. If I loved my friend Caroline enough, I would totally buy her this $75 monstrosity. She really really loves wolves. If I hadn't already bought Melissa her birthday present, I would buy her this. Its a pin. She wants to be a librarian. Specifically a children's librarian. But in reality, Mel just wants to have an excuse to be paid and hang around books all day. And I would buy this, if I wasn't saving up all my money for my next tattoo.

Urban Outfitters in London and Dublin both had these mini portable purse speakers in their sale section, and I almost bought them everytime I saw them. And very rarely do I kick myself for passing up buying things. But now as I sit at my reception desk with the speakers mysteriously not working on my computer, listening to the white noise of the modem and a/c unit, I kick myself. Hard. And when I think of all those spring semester days spent lying on a blanket on the quad, drinking out of nalgenes and reading for class, listening to some country western gospel music assaulting me from a few blankets over, I kick myself again. Harder. I told myself I would never really use them. But I think about them with wistful, misty eyes. Birthday. I keep promising myself. Birthday.

Also, I've been checking out Erin, and I could not hate her more for her collection of pull-up denim leggings WITH AN ANKLE ZIP that she got from Target. And trust me, I already checked, they are out of stock for all but the size 1. Grrr. She wears those leggings (in black and blue) all the time and they look so good and now I'm craving my own pair even though I DON'T NEED THEM (that's what I keep telling myself). Also, after falling in love with all my new AmEagle jeans, I want a skinny pair. (Mel could tell you that all the jeans have new stretch, better rise, and higher pockets to make your butt look perkier!). Birthday. Biiiiirthday.

I have a very serious styling question. Peep toe booties. What do you do with them in the winter? Not wear them? With footless tights? Leggings? Dare I say, full tights? I have always considered pairing open toe shoes with tights/hose complete anathema but can it ever be appropriate? This could just be residual disdain for those fools in sunday school who wore their Easter dress shoes with white tights in the winter. So bad. I can't talk, I wore some pretty hideous things back in the day. Which I count as up to 10th grade, for sure. Currently, I have no peep toe booties. I do however have peep toe blue sueded wedges (that I'm wearing riiiiight now). I don't think I'd wear them with tights, but maybe some sheer footless tights? I just don't know! But I keep seeing peep toe booties online for fall, and I don't know where everyone else is crashing but it snowed before Halloween at school last year (I go to school in satan's underbelly for sure). I can't do bare legs after my birthday. Its too cold. And I've considered that bright colored tights with black or neutral booties and a dark dress (enter daydream of me in booties and pea coat, cold crisp air, cigg in hand) could be really cute. Actually, while cruising Charlotte Russe I saw an ad with a pair of legs sporting light brown peep toe suede booties and electric blue tights. Is it approved??? I don't know!

The One About My "Jewelry Wardrobe"

These are some pictures of my lovely thrifted jewelry box, after a coat of white paint. Behind the door side is a little carousel on the top for hanging/rotating necklaces, and at the bottom you can see little partitions for storing stuff... I'm thinking earrings. This box is awesome, because last year at school my jewelry storage was quite haphazard. And this saves space on my dresser.

AND it has a ring bump! With a little mirror! I'm so excited! A place to put my claddagh and my zebra ring. (I own more rings than that, I just seem to only wear these two this summer). The knobs of the drawers have little penguins on them. So cute! I've already started painting, gluing, and drawing all over my new "jewelry wardrobe." Jewelry Closet? Its definitely not just a box. Either way, I got a little carried away last night while watching "Haunting in Connecticut," so I have to reel the design back in. But its got some good things going for it. Pictures soon, I promise!

My DIY fabric bangles. I have fingers, don't worry. I like these because they aren't dressy, so I can wear them with gym shorts. They're colorful but not fancy, so it strikes a perfect balance when accessorizing with my sorority hand downs. However, wrapping them in fabric has, not surprisingly, made them thicker, and are a bit of a squeeze to put on sometimes. But, I deal. They have a nice handmade look, and I love bangles in general.

Can I just mention how I can't wait for fall?? I really do love fall. I never seem to dress weather appropriate. I know greys and blacks aren't really cheerful summer colors, but I love them! And I like nothing more than to be wearing some leggins, a cardigan, and boots. And I understand that my sweater knit [grey!] Aldo boots are inappropriate for the summer, so I have to keep holding out for a chilly college campus fall. I dream about stomping around campus in my new black booties, some colored tights, and my pea coat, smoking a cigg. Sigh.

My Grey in the Summer Outfit!

The Incredible Shrinking Shirtdress from Marshalls, Grey Shirt from Old Navy, Miley Certified Stirrups, Silver Bangles from Walmart, Black Patent Heels from Payless, Zebra Ring from Charlotte Russe

ps. why do my outfit pictures seem kind of crunchy on my blog, but really clear on my flickr??

I would post about how much I want WR2BAM's fringed moccasin boots, but I really want to mention how hot I think this chick's outfit is:

Lady Smaggle from down under has been around for a couple years, but I just discovered her. I'm jonesing for her curly hair. I realized the reason I love this outfit is because it looks just like something I would wear. Skinny jeans, scarf, bangles. I just don't have ANY jackets. For real. I've bought a couple jackets and never really loved them. Her thrifted tuxedo jacket is great. I do have a men's grey suit jacket I wear, and people always like it, but its longer in the torso then this little number. I guess I always sub out jackets with cardigans. I'd wear this outfit with my grey striped men's cardi from ae.

The One About Payless

Get to cross a few more things off my Fashion Wish List (however, irritatingly enough, I can't figure out how to do strikethrough and instead have to just delete them, and its so more satisfying to see something crossed off). After a revelation on the Payless website, I found both tall, flat heeled brown boots and a pair of black suede booties. I know I originally wanted grey, but it wasn't a sticking point so I don't feel like I settled. The seal on this deal was a 20% Off coupon AND a BoGo!Yay!!! So, two luxurious pairs of boots. For $45. Total. I did free shipping to the nearest store. It wasn't until after I paid that I saw it takes 14 days once shipped??? So that will bring me right up to when I leave for school. Fingers crossed. Otherwise my mom will be shipping them instead, oops. Gaze on some awesome deal-ness: I love Payless. I like all their designer pair ups too. Its a nice way for me the poverty doomed college student to look so good in the gutters. And very very soon Payless will be carrying shoes by Christian Siriano, of Project Runway and Annapolis, MD fame. I want these beauties on my feet A-freakin-SAP. Also, I know its old news that Rodarte is bringing the goods to Target this winter, but I heard one review mention sequins. Please GOD, bring sequined blazers closer to me. Please Please Please. In other news, my shirt dress I'm wearing today shrunk a little. I think. Or maybe its always been this short... I can't remember. Either way its pretty short, so I felt more appropriate wearing leggins under it than tights for the office. I'm not sure why leggins feel more decent. And I have new fashion wishes. ++ Denim Leggings. Or some are referring to them as jeggings (?) Anywho I first saw these in May at the Dublin Urban Outfitters, but they were mad expensive. And as a major supporter of leggins as pants, I'd like my leggings to masquerade as jeans. So I'm on the search for some cheapie jeggings. ++ We Love Colors Tights. In fuschia/raspberry, navy, black, and teal or royal blue. Mostly because my black Old Navy tights are pilling on the tops of the feet (wtf HOW?) and also because I think colored tights are hot but I don't own any. Also, my tumblr has 2 followers, 2 likes, and 1 reblog. Go Me!